I got chris browned last night
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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