I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
