dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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