This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
