and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I touched a dick in church today
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
