How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I smell stomach acid.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
