sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
