Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
