never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
