Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
