i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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