ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
