She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
