is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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