if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize