he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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