Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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