She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
