Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
