I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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