I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
