What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
