Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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