im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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