it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
