The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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