There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
