i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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