You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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