Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
