It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
