Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
