I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
