Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
