Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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