Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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