No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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