She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
