I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
