somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
