call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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