I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
