No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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