she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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