i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
