and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
