my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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