I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
