Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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