school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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