butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
