he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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