Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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