Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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