i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
