It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
