Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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