how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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