I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
