I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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