if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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