Heybabeimwearingurpanties
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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