May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
